Friday, March 23, 2012

The blurry romance

Lately, I'm thinking a lot about romantic relationships, generally.

It's a lie if I say I don't have any interest in emotionally attached to someone. As a 20 year old girl, it is natural for me to have the desire of being possessed by someone that I trust and love.

But, half of myself seem to reject the idea.

The idea of being single enables me to know that I'm free to chase anything that I like. I have the space to go wherever I like, doing anything that I like, making decision on myself, or even if flirting and liking anyone I like.

It will be all about me, me, me, and me, and I have no one to worry but myself.

The idea of "me and myself" is strongly attached to my mind that I have to fight everyday with my heart with its desire of tasting the beauty of relationship.

Since both logical and emotional idea are my desire, it's confusing for me to choose which state should I be in; single, or in relationship.

I have to say that this confusion is quite a burden for me as I know, it's one of major parts of someone's life. It blinds me of every possibility that might come across.

I do have other things to be thought; my studies, my dreams, my family, my friends, even myself. But I never really worry about it, since I have clear vision on each of them, what is going to happen, what is happening, the problems that come across, or even the lesson I learn from each thing.

My romance world is the only thing that I can't predict anything, not even myself. This world of myself is very unsure and doubtful that it makes me hesitate on how am I going to manage it.

Well, it will come clear someday though.

When it comes, I really hope that it will be my second relationship, and the last one, for I can't bear losing.