Losing dreams

Hello hello Malaysia :)

Baru-baru ni Joey get excited dengan kerja baru dia, which is good sebab barulah saya nampak yang dia ada sisi gembira, selama ni dia realistik sangat sampai nak berangan sikit pun tak boleh pada dia.

Which reminds me that I have no dreams to be excited about.

Saya dulu ada banyak sangat impian. I wanna be florist with a huge flower field. I wanna be someone with music skills. I wanna have my own anime with my friends. I wanna write novels. All those ridiculous, countless dreams.

Tapi sekarang, saya tak tahu mana pergi tu semua.

Dulu, saya boleh dengan muka tak malu, main Gundam Gundam dengan Yurika dan Airie. Saya boleh berlari lari sekitar sekolah walaupun pengawas pandang kitorang macam gangster pandang samseng. Saya melukis 3, even 5 drawings per day.

Sekarang nak habiskan 1 drawing pun tak boleh.

I lose to reality.

I was separated to my bestfriends. I lost love. I leave my homely heaven. I was betrayed, I was all alone in whole new era in my college, I faced with some fragile, even fake relationships and friendships. Saya berdepan dengan semua ni, sebab saya nak belajar jadi dewasa.

I don't regret it, really. All those is part of who I am now. Life has been great with great friends, awesome family, all those wonderful things. I started my maturity with a thought that I wanna be useful, brilliant adult. And I am getting to that thought.

Tapi realiti macam merampas semua angan-angan saya.

I want to want that. Saya nak ada ridiculous dreams macam dulu. Biarlah nonsense macam mana pun but that was the thing that made my life filled.

I want to want that. Tapi dengan semua yang 'realiti' dah ajar saya, it seems impossible to have those kind of dreams again.

Tapi saya kena bermimpi lagi, or else, I will not be able to love myself, and I will not be able to love others right.